A Dorian Nothing Burger

A big nothing burger, that’s what the latest in a long year-over-year list of hurricanes was.

Hurricanes strike terror in the hearts of all who have experienced one. When the forecasters start their relentless, yet somehow seemingly gleeful, report of the circular wind pattern in the Atlantic, the Jaws theme-song music (you know it - dum dum, dum dum becomes ear worms that eat into our brains.

The movement of the hurricane directs the loudness of the dum dums, as the fins of the coming disaster gets closer. Like the bands of weather that whip around the eye wall, the forecast whips people into action. Bottled water, car gas, grill gas, bread, the grocery list is automatic, yet personal. My short list is rum, diet soda and pound bags of peanut M&M’s. Who needs bread?

It’s obvious forecasters love to scare people. They must have grown up sitting

around campfires telling stories that scare you so badly you can’t sleep. What’s that noise? Was it a bear? They continue those horror mental pictures during the hurricane- rev-ing people up so they’re afraid to sleep in their own beds. What’s that noise? Was it a tree?

Okay, I’m an order follower, so starting 5 days out, I made trips to the grocery every day. Although I’m a single person who can live on cereal or soup, or a bag of rice, it’s better safe than sorry. Who knew how bad and long lasting the hurricane would be? My pantry now holds 5 cans of diced tomatoes, 1 lb. of angel hair spaghetti (having angels in the house is always good), 4 bottles of oil, and a pack of rice cakes. In retrospect, I think I grocery-shopped for normalcy, and to talk with strangers to tone down my ear worms.

I gassed up my three cars, although two are my just-in-case cars and abide in the U-Haul storage facility. Dum Dum, the fin is getting closer.

The tv weather channel, my favorite channel on days 1-5, mesmerized me- where was the hurricane now, when would it get to me, how much rain, wind speed? After day 5, my attitude turned southward to include the word Hell. The weather channel, deleted as a favorite, got replaced with old movies watched from the safety of my couch, complete with blanket over me and cushions under my head. Well, I guess I never really watched those movies….

It’s over now and people are beginning to move around, joyful they are released from house prison.

We were lucky; it could have been catastrophic, devastatingly destructive. But it was a big nothing burger, with little rain, and small wind gusts as condiments. No matter, as a former girl scout, I was ready, and am still eating the peanut M&M’s.

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